i “WAS” in love…and love meant cyrus ceasar

Cyrus Ceasar. Uhhhhhh…!!! He is the man.

He is my longest term partner. Well, 2 years is already long for me.

So this is how our story started.

It was April 5 of 2002, I was in my junior college days. I have attended my friend’s natal party in the mountainous outskirts of Nivel. It was Riva’s birthday. Quite a bunch of people have attended and I was one of them. I was sitting on some bench made of a carved tree positioned 180 degrees from the venue. In short, I became an audience to the fascinating outfits, all passing in front of me like colorful butterflies.

Haloooo…I cannot be sitting idle for the next three hours of my stay. I have to do something. So I decided to grab some vodka and gulped it big time.

1 hour is gone and I almost finished 3 glasses. Borrrrinnnnggg. Something has to happen magical today. When I returned my fourth glass into the table, right next to it is a man sitting alone just like me. I still remember the color of the shirt he was wearing. he was in yellow diesel. Unnoticeable, I spied. Then I just figured out that he was forming his name out of match sticks. How boring could that be? He must have been so exhausted like me. We are supposed to enjoy the party and not bore our selves to death. A couple of minutes after then I continued to keep an eye on him. He was still doing the same thing. Is he with somebody? How the hell will I find out if I just sit my big butt out on this bench.

I got curious, so I made the first approach. I have to get my fifth glass in order to make that move. With a big deep sigh….I asked him.

“Bored?”…..aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I know. It was a lousy question. I could have ask him…something else. Like..”Are you enjoying the party?”….crap..that is worst.

Anyway, I already asked him the question. Good thing he replied back and said. “Yeah, I am so bored. I want to get out from her.”

Then the conversation continued. I came to know that he happens to be a High school friend of Riva. He is also a junior Physical Therapy student of Cebu Doctors and a Basketball Varsity player. He was cute. I mean so cute. If I can only post his picture here, but I guess that won’t give him any justice. He is around 5’11” in height, strong built and fair complexion.

That was a nice conversation with him. At least, I didn’t wasted half of the party just biting my nails. We didn’t even realize that it was already passed 1 o’clock. And mannnn….when he smiles, you bet it’s like dinner for me. I was full. After a couple of minutes everybody decided to leave the venue. I myself on the list. I have to acquire at least 3 hours of sleep in order to withstand my plate submission the same day. It was so corteous of riva to have sent us home one by one. That includes me and Cyrus. He stays nearby only. I guess a 20 minute walk from Riva’s place. Hilly and mountainous.

Yawnnnnssss….What a day. Not even bad at all.


I thought so. But I was wrong. Thank God I got at least 3 and half hours of sleep. I am still in the bed mood. Stretching as my alarm keeps on snoozing from its original time. I need to move my butt out. I grabbed my phone as it continuously alarms and I didn’t even realize that I had 4 missed calls from an unknown number with 1 unread message. It must be riva.

I took a bath and after being descent, I read the message in my Inbox. It was from the same number +63918**** blah blah blah….the same number who gave me a call while I was sleeping dead.

So the message was. “It was nice talking to you today. Giwagtang nimo akong laay ganina. (You just had me occupied a while ago). I hope we can meet again soon. Kita nya ta somewhere.(Let us meet somewhere again soon!). Remembering every words of that message was a no brainer for me as it was one of the sweetest words that I have received in my life so far. I mean from somebody whom you least expected.

I saved his number in this way @—->—-cyrus not quite acquainted right?

—–DING DONG. That is the only thing that I can say. I just got excited of what just welcomed my morning. Happy bitch-day to me.

I never expected “soon” was going to be “soon” as in today soon????? He sent me a message once again inviting me to watch their game later. Huhhhhhhh??? WTF….what am I supposed to wear? Relax lee…it’s just a baskteball game. You don’t have to wear a gown. Just be yourself. At least my alter-ego was a little bit smart to tell it to my face. I thought that he was not serious about it. My class is till 2:00 pm and the game is at 3:30. How the hell will I reach the game on time? So I just told myself. I’ll pass. Anyway…it must have been a SEND TO MANY message and I am just one the recipient.

A few minutes before my last class ends, I received another message. “BENG…I WOULD BE VERY DISAPPOINTED IF YOU WON’T MAKE IT. I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE. I’LL MEET YOU AFTER THE GAME.”….Panic attack. I need Help. The message was for me. I have my name on it. Nyaaaaarr! So it means I really have to go. No choice. (as if…i really didn’t want to.). Forget about all the bullsh*t lee. Go, break a leg. I arrived at the venue. The game has already started. It was against University of San Carlos. I remember, I even met a long lost friend outside the venue while I was buying some stray peanuts. I sat…and watched the game. Honestly, I am not a basketball fanatic, but I think I “kinna” enjoyed watching the game. Doesn’t sound so surprised?

I sat on the bottom end seating. I don’t want him to see me that quick. He might think that I have crossed life and death just to reach this seat. Sometimes, you need to get hold of your pride of course.

I didn’t even realize that I was already enjoying the game (of course, he is still the star of the game). Though he is not so popular compared to the other CDC players, still, he is adorable.

He got a 3 point shot….Everybody was shouting. he pointed two fingers towards me……———-OH MY RAT!!!!!! He made that shot for me? —–OH MY RAT AGAIN. It means, he saw me? OH MY RAT —–I am overwhelmed…It was like a “Never Been Kissed” scene for me. Something which is only seen in movies.

The game finished and CDC won. I don’t remember the exact final score, but it was a far lead. What am I supposed to do after? Think, think! He is approaching me….wahahhaaha… “beng..huwata lang ko sa gawas ha. mga 10 minutes.mag shower lang ko, then laag ta after.” (beng, just wait for me outside ok? I’ll just take a shower, give me 10 minutes and we’ll stroll after.)

Is this really happening? Does illusion really make you believe that they are real.

Whatever. Food is served lee, Grab it. These are some of the small things that I wanted to teach my close friend Lara. Nothing to elaborate.

So your highness waited of course. 10 minutes was really 12 minutes when he called me that he is about to come out. He came out with his car. Of course, the bee should sit. What else can I do aside from that? I was born to obey orders.

I hate this kind of situation. In the passenger seat….Running out of words…. Staring at the window, while trying to start a conversation. Luckily, he made it way easy for me as he opened all the topics and I was able to interact at least. Gossshhh…I was shivering. I don’t know what to say. We decided to have dinner at Jo’s.

Romantic dinner bitch….it’s a romantic dinner—-in my mind…I started singing…”YOU MADE ME FEEL…YOU MADE ME FEEL…LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN…..” —-So Romina…if your reading this, now you know the story behind this song.

Of course, being man enough, he paid for the dinner. I offered, but I did not made the offer again since I have got 20 bucks left in my purse. (Take note: It’s a purse.)

God….What have I done in order for you to bless me so much like this? Is this for real? or this is just one of the moments that I will wake up later? tell me. I want answers.

Unfortunately, God didn’t answer. So I just enjoyed the moment. Next to Jo’s was a big billiard game hall. That was our next pit stop. We had couple of drinks….and played couple of games. Well, he never asked! He didn’t thought that I was good with balls. No question about it. Sticks and balls are my games remember?

It was late. He tried to beat me, but never succeeded. Poor guy. Try harder next time.

I thought it was the end…..of a beautiful story…… then you are punk’d. It wasn’t. He took me to his apartment in Mandaue. It’s a duplex type. It was his mom’s haven, but since she moved to United States, the place has become vacant. It was a quiet and descent place. It was like a ghost town. Wake up lee…it is midnight. What do you expect? My alter-ego shook my head once again. We went inside. The place was so cool. His mom has this big sculpture made of hardened clay. It was fabulous. Superb. Seeing the state inside, I guess this guy is a regular visitor here. He went up and told me if I can wait upstairs while he shows me his mom’s collections of angels. I got excited. Yeah…right..there was a full collection of angels…different types..of different sizes. He even told me that one of them is owned by princess Di. His mom bought it, in one the auctions in London. Cool. Angelic!

That wasn’t actually the one which caught my attention. Instead, it was his mom’s britney spears stuff collection. Britney posters…complete britney audios and videos…britney poster….and a britney mug???? hahahha! he didn’t tell me that. Maybe he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Well, for me it was cool. With the way it was set up…it was marvelous! A Gigantic Britney fan.

He disappeared. I just realized that the shower was on and he was taking a bath. The door was half open. Is it a coincidence or a complete black agenda????

So I sat..I have to pretend that I am reading some reader’s digest book…I have to look smart. But the truth is I am about to fade. I don’t have a clue of what will happen next?

So he finished shower. He went out from the toilet wearing a white towel. Half naked. Nice bod…. Door bell…..!!! Ding Dong.. I sat sideways…hihihi.. (naughty ass)

He was talking about something. But the heck….who will concentrate? I just kept on nodding. He was telling me something but I never understood any of it. I was more disturbed about his half-wet nice built. Grrrr……Mom help.

That wasn’t it. He grabbed something on the closet. It was his boxers? Grrrrrrrr…He put his underwear in front of me.. Dad…help….!!!!! Relax….he wore it turning his back away from me. So…not even a glimpse. He put the towel off and roam around the house wearing boxers only. I am shaking. You know what I mean? Surely, you do. So he opened the tv and kept on talking while he laid down into the clean white sheets of his bed. Technically, his mom’s bed. So poor me…I was still sitting in the couch next to it. I have to be firm. Otherwise, my mom won’t be proud of me. He asked me to stay the rest of night and told me that he will just send me home later. “I made an alibi”. I have classes tomorrow. HE REPLIED. Liar….Tomorrow is Sunday.

Well, I guess I am not quite good at it. So I don’t have a choice. I have to sleep over. What else can I do? I am helpless. (*winks*).

We talked about so many things…….until it became green. So what happened next?


So? Did we do it? ahhhhhh????? …it’s like this. I am still a virgin..but we did something more of like a game that he can never forget. Go figure what is it.

I was dropped home with a happy face. Having both ends of my smile extended to my ears. That happy.

After that, I guess we were officially on. I guess I have to believe it. I know it’s difficult to believe and until now I can’t even figure out what was it really all about. It was just a spark. An unxpected spark that I thought would end that night. It’s a make believe scene that I wanted to rewind all the time. It was indeed magical. In life, situations like these rarely occur. I ran out of words to describe it.

The relationship became so deep. I was loving every moment of it. Every inch of it was unbelievable. I was full of doubt. Full of questions…full of hesitations.

I just swayed myself with the flow. No matter how everything is going to end up the next day I wake up.

With all those days, I wasn’t able to enjoy the reality that was in front of me. He was so sweet and thoughtful. I cannot imagine that he would even bother to introduce me to his parents and sister as his partner. It was an embarassing moment for me. Well as for him, it seems like just one of the casual days of his life. His parents was so open about it and didn’t even bother to condemn us. It was a teary day for me. Specially about his dad who was so cool about everything. They were so accomodating and that overwhelmed me so much. Is this really happening? No matter how many times I have to utter this words…still I ended up asking myself why?

Still, doubts haunted me like anything. I don’t want it to destroy me. So I stopped. I just enjoy every minute of it and felt like it was really normal.

His mom even invited me home and taught me how to bake cookies. His sister was so “kikay” that he even treated me like his older sister. That was so much. Believe me, his father even gave me a “day” gift…and what is it? A face powder! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr……………..These unusual things kept on torturing me. But I sustained and just lived with it.

I became so close to his family. We even go to masses in some Sundays of the month. His mom always tells me how I inspired Cyrus in the little things that I am not aware of.

I have to admit. It may really seem sound so unreal. But we are talking facts here. Maybe less….but nothing more.

There are times when I cry my self out alone because of their inevitable goodness. That makes me miss my family so much. So much.

We were like the “Untouchables”. We were perfect. I was happy and the great impact that his love has given me made me believe that even the “gayest” person on earth can be happy when you least expect it.

I was gay, literally. Happy about what life is showing me.

Of course, A fairy tale book can have its pages torn sometimes. We also had our own ups and downs. But the good thing about us is that we talk about it. We spend time to sort it out. I thought I was bad at relationships. But I just figured out that I was even good at my first.

I loved him dearly. I really did. Term used is “did” not because it was  past…..it’s because it will still go on. He was like forever to me.

He was there. The moment I finished college and all the special moments of my life. I shared it with a special person who thought me of love ain’t fading.

——————————- a story has its end. I will post it soon! this continues.



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