I am 24 and still a nobody

I went home early today. I guess 2 redbulls wasn’t able to make me feel “ALIVE”.

I got tired after my site visit in Oasis Center. It was hot. Still hot. I felt some cool breeze in the morning and I thought it was the start of winter. But just like my breathe it became warm later in the morning.

I decided to stop by some coffee shop and had a sip. I promised Gee that I will be calling her in case I’ll have extra time after work. I surely had. But I felt lazy. Peace gurl! We will have it next time am sure. I badly need this f*ckin temporary rest before the boss comes back from hell. I guess being home so late for the last few days was a well deserved exchange.

I was holding my mug. Then I just realize that it’s been quite a while since I had a serious plan about my life. I made some “to-do list” when I landed in Dubai and had my first job. And reminiscing what has happened….I guess it is in its slowest progress. I am 24 and still a nobody. You start thinking about these things specially if your thoughts start to become broader….experimental.

I am An Architect. Nothing follows.

Architect Leandro Flores Bengwic. A well defined fallacy.

I promised my self that I will become “the boss” by 30 or either own a company. I know that it is quite an ambition. That is 6 years from now. But why is it that I can’t see it coming?

I am 24 and yes I have got a job. A descent one. Something that partly I wanted for.

But for the past 4 and a half years that I was working…it seems that I have not achieved much as I expected. If my Dad was alive…He would know that the cookie doesn’t crumble this way for me. Yup! maybe earning more than enough per month was a bonus…but that was not the point. (though sometime it does) I knew that I can do something better. I may not earn as big as what I expected but it’s the enjoyment and growth that is what I am after for.

I am 24 and I want something that I can be proud of aside from my ego. An ego which is being fed so much day by day. It grows bigger.

I am loosing my artistic touch…and I need to do something about it. My ideas are becoming blurred. It is being drowned by something else. Does my job really suck? or I have to wait and see the reality that it is for my own betterment. Maybe yes…maybe no. Or I am just tired.

I  do count my blessings! That is a fact.

I just want to aim and achieve higher….better…more!

Maybe it is just one of the days.

Burn me.

b

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2 Comments

  1. gee in the story said,

    October 7, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Dont ever say that, B!!! Youve proven ur worth already at such a young age! there is still a lot of things instore for you! i believe in you!

    Its ok that u didnt get to meet me today! i stil love u! muah muah!

  2. Mean Mina said,

    October 12, 2008 at 8:43 am

    bongga ka b!


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